I feel like I’m stalking.
We had this winner, you see, of my very first giveaway ever. I did the giveaway at the suggestion of a 12-year-old.
We had quite a few entrants. From all over the world. Even though we forced all of our beloved contestants to trek all over both of our blogs, fill out forms and then wait a whole month for the results. At my blog, I even hid the entry button. I’m kidding. It was just hard to find. At least that’s what quite a few people said.
I don’t feel quite this bad. More like Meg Ryan in the morning. This was Bristol born Amelia Dyer – one of the most evil women who ever lived!(Photo credit: brizzle born and bred)
So, Carissa Bookworm – she’s sort of my Giveaway Mentor, if you will, even though she’s only 12 – wanted to pick the winner out of a hat. Or something. So I said, “Yes, you do it.” I didn’t trust myself anyway. There were all those people who really, really wanted the book. One lady (you know who you are) entered something like 30 times. Once she even entered here while trying to get a free vampire book. I accepted her entry anyway. Mary Baker is a much safer person than a vampire, no matter how seductive he is.
So Carissa very excitedly picked our winner. I’ve been watching all of Carissa’s reactions, you know. Learning. My Giveaway Mentor’s example to me is that GIVEAWAYS ARE FUN. Really. It’s exciting to pick the winner. Not a stress-out like I was about to make it into. I was so relieved.
Then my worst fears were realized. (See, maybe I was right to stress out.) We, well, Carissa contacted the winner. After a day, Carissa contacted me with the bad news. She hasn’t emailed back! Have you heard from her? No, nothing here either.
To make a long story short, the winner didn’t respond to either of our emails.
Now, my Giveaway Mentor had an easy solution. On about day two. We’ll just pick another winner. See, all the fun is in picking the winner. Sounds like a great idea?
No, I didn’t take my Giveaway Mentor’s sound plan. No, as a former journalist used to hunting down all sorts of crazy information, I was pretty sure this was easy. And rattling around in my subconscious was all those times I entered a giveaway and never checked my junk emails to see if I won. I’m probably rich.
So, experienced person I am, I first took a trip to our winner’s possible website. The first clue: She was a somebody@… And the “@…” was a website. Perhaps she is somehow affiliated with that website, I reasoned, while Carissa went on to more important things, like reviewing books. And not giving them as great a review as “Mary Baker and The Eye of the Tiger” got, I keep hoping.
And then I got the information I had suspected all along. Our winner was herself a book writer. Worse yet, she was an artist. I had even told Carissa she was probably an artist or something, and was all covered up with paint and pastels and wasn’t checking her emails. Artists are like that. You email them, and like a year later, they email back. Like that’s nothing.
I was right. Our “Jacquelynn” was an artist. So I left more emails for her on her website. Not too many. I didn’t want to seem like I was stalking her.
Two weeks later, no response. Exactly what I expected. Maybe she works in clay, too. Then you can’t touch your keyboard because it’s too messy.
I let some more days pass. Then I decided maybe Carissa was right. Then, as I stalked this poor woman some more, I discovered she was married, had children, and was both an artist and an editor, as well as a book writer. I began imaging her life. This is where I was going too far. She lives in the mountains, I pictured. On a farm or something. Maybe this poor artist writer editor Mommy Wife who feeds the cows every day was desperately needing this $50 and the book. She’s feeding the chickens, too, trying to make that pottery stuff that sells so well real fast, so she can do her art, and her husband just wants to go out in the pickup and drink at a local bar like they used to. I’m about to write a whole novel about this woman.
So I get back on this website. She lives in Missouri. Could be the Ozarks. Since it’s a small group of artists and arty types, I hunt around the site for who seems the most responsible in the lot. I choose the poor web designer. Not for possible responsibility. Because as a web designer, I guess he’s probably on the site every day.
So, you say, this clever D.M. Cherubim author person not only has successfully stalked her giveaway winner, now she will know one of the lady’s friends. He emailed back right away, right?
Our elusive giveaway winner might live here, in the Ozark Mountains (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Wrong. It’s been another week or two. Who’s counting, now? My bleary, book marketing and I’m writing my next book too eyes can’t find any emails from anyone from the artists’ site. I’ve decided instead of a bunch of hard working young people, I’m hunting down a group of people who actually are out in the mountain fields, drinking wine, writing and editing books and occasionally painting plein air. They’re all rich and don’t need the $50. Or the pleasure of a book that a reviewer recently described like this:
“…It’s conceptual depth that makes minds of all ages (emphasis on all ages! truly!) glitter with the long-lost prosperity of what it’s like to get beautifully lost in a book. In times where we rip and tear our way through our kindle pages against the clock, this novel brings me back to the ambient love of reading I had years ago when a sunny window and a terrific book were the greatest fruits this life had to offer…”
Perhaps I’m spending too much time marketing. Oh well, it, the $5.99 ebook version, is only 99 cents this week. Get it before I change my mind. You’ll see why at the end of this blog.
So, in the interest of proving my Giveaway Mentor wrong (she’s only 12. How can she know more than me?), I am going to reveal the website where my elusive winner claims to show up every now and again: http://ambrosia-arts.com For her sake, I won’t say her last name, but her first name is Jacquelynn. I think. Maybe her kid entered the contest while Mommy was painting. I just thought of that. Could someone please tell this woman to email me? About two more weeks and I’m going to ask Carissa to pick a different winner.
When you find her, here is the message: “Jacquelynn, I have spent your $50 and given your copy of “Mary Baker and The Eye of the Tiger” to someone else. I have to sell some more books. Then, if you ever email me, I will send you the Amazon gift card and the ebook. Unless Carissa picks a new winner.”
Shout it from the rooftops:
D. M. Cherubim 